[He bursts out laughing.]

Whenever I've been asked what makes a pie-oh-neeeer, I tell that story! I swear on a stack it's true! One man's ceiling may well be another man's floor, but where do we rest? When do we rest? How do we rest? These are not questions to put to an American—such as you, Dear Reader!

Meanwhile, there lay California! Every man's mistress, but no one's bride—yet! All vied for her, but none save the Spanish had truly staked a claim that was lost when Mexico broke free.

[The fiddler starts to play "Loop #3, Signs & Wonders."]

But, more to the point, allow me to quote a little from my magnum opus:

"The climate of the Western section, is that of perpetual spring, having no excess of heat or cold, it is the most uniform and delightful. It may be truly said of this country, that 'December is as pleasant as May.'" The Bay of St. Francis, I wrote, boasts "the most extensive anchorage, and secure harbor...surrounded by one of the most fertile countries in the known world." Concerning the Sacramento Valley's potential, I essayed in praise of "the deep, rich, alluvial soil of the Nile...that does not afford a parallel." The California weather is, "perpetual spring, having no excess of heat or cold...no country, in the known world, possessing a soil so fertile and productive, with such varied and inexhaustible resources, and a climate of such mildness, uniformity, and salubrity."

Salubrious, indeed! To California! To Sonoma's wild, rolling, golden hills and to the ocean breeze just beyond; to cliffs that toss the mist up to the hawks and into infinity; to the redwoods that rise up through the early, burning fog; to the crisp nights and gray mornings that resolve into azure noons; to that certain geographical salubrity!

[He raises his glass in yet another toast and drinks.]

Salubrity! Ha! My, what the young pen will write! However, as I mentioned earlier, it is quite impossible to oversell California.

Naturally, I went on.

I described in greater detail the possible yield of soil, "eminently adapted to the growing of wheat, rye, oats, barley, beans and peas, hemp, flax, tobacco, cotton, rice, coffee, corn and cane, as well as all kind of vegetables, and...the greatest variety of fruits."

One particular berry piqued my interest. As it turned out, some of these "delicious fruits" yielded a "most generous wine" that constituted—as I hastened to mention in my book—"one the of the grand essentials of a California dinner." Oh, those grand essentials will get you every time!